Im single again. The words come out right but the feeling isn’t mutual. Its been almost 6 months of attempts to work it out. Now I figure dissolution and lick your womb may be the best strategy. I could say so much but talking about it right now only bothers me. How can someone say they are working on a relationship with you and they are constantly berating you, lying, cheating, and have more secrets than the CIA? Not to mention getting back together in all honesty was a mistake. This time started with shouts and insults then weeks of silence. Living with someone and not enjoying their company. Sleeping with the enemy if you will.
I have so many questions that will go unanswered. I made the mistake of losing my identity in the shadow of someone’s life. Its been 7 years of these kinds of feelings. I was happy when last year he left the first, second, third time. Yea 3 times, that might come out later. I look at myself and wonder what is going on with me and how can I let this person affect me so much. I try to play the happy go lucky person and really inside a total mess from years of emotional abuse. I do know that relationships are serious effort. I think it’s the competitor in me that hates to lose. I think this time I will gladly accept defeat. I should smile and be grateful I no longer have to devote so much energy to a losing battle.